Church Hurt

Basilica of Notre-Dame de Fourvière

A friend had been part of a local church for about four years before it suddenly fell apart and closed down.

That church had become like family to her—she knew nearly everyone, and many of her closest friends were there, too. Week after week, she gathered with other believers, giving her time, energy, and heart to support the growth of that local body.

Then one day, just before their usual Bible study, she was told it had been canceled. The morning prayer meeting was called off as well. Soon after, she received notice of a church-wide assembly. At the time, she had no idea what was about to unfold.

Rumors had already begun to circulate: the pastor had fallen into adultery. Could it be true? She wondered. On Sunday, however, it was publicly announced—the pastor had engaged in affairs with two married women from the congregation. She was shocked. It felt unreal.

Later, the pastor admitted he was now facing the consequences of choices he had made in the past.

If you’ve spent time in Christian circles, grown up in a Christian home, or been part of a local church, this story might sound familiar. Maybe it’s your story, too.

In one way or another, you may have experienced church hurt—betrayal, abuse, or deep disappointment caused by church leadership. Your experience might have looked different. Perhaps you were lied to, manipulated, or harmed emotionally, mentally, financially, or even physically. And the damage to this day is still felt.

It’s heartbreaking when church leaders fall, especially those we admire and trust.

We think of them as spiritual authorities, believing they’ve been appointed and gifted by the Lord. We honor them as Scripture instructs (1 Peter 5:5), and rightly so—so long as we do not idolize them. Even Paul urged the Corinthians to imitate him only as he imitated Christ (1 Corinthians 11:1).

When a leader sins or falls short of the life they preaches, it can shake us. We start to wonder if they truly believed what they taught. Were they ever sincere? Is the gospel even true? These doubts can creep in, and suddenly, the foundation of our faith feels uncertain.

But in moments like these, we need to anchor ourselves not in our feelings but in God’s Word—so that the enemy, who prowls like a roaring lion (1 Peter 5:8), doesn’t take advantage of our vulnerability.

Here are three (plus one bonus) reflections to ponder in such seasons:

1. Remember Jesus: Jesus is the only head of the Church.

He alone ransomed it with His blood. He alone is the sinless, perfect Son of God who never yielded to temptation. He gave His life to rescue us—sinners—from the wrath of God.

Even when we are unfaithful, Christ remains faithful (2 Timothy 2:13). He is the founder and sustainer of our faith. People may fail us, but Jesus never does.

John Calvin once said the human heart is a factory of idols. We are quick to elevate our leaders—and when they fall, we fall with them. But it should not be so.

Keep your eyes on Christ alone. When we put our ultimate trust in people, we are bound for disappointment (Jeremiah 17:5). Despite the enemy’s attempts to sow doubt, hold fast to this truth: the gospel stands firm in Jesus. If He remains the object of our faith, then our hope is secure.

2. Do Not Abandon the Church: By 'church,' this refers to biblical, Christ-centered communities, not every institution that merely calls itself a church.

A wise person once said that the church is both a hospital and, at times, a hurtful place. It’s a community of sinners—redeemed and being sanctified. That means there will be sin, and there will be pain. Leaders are not immune.

Yet, those same sinners are indwelt by the Holy Spirit and are being transformed into the likeness of Christ. Through the Church, God is carrying out His restorative work in the world. Within this body, we encounter patience, meekness, love, joy, self-control, and more. Some blessings and graces can only be experienced within the fellowship of believers.

So, while it may be tempting to walk away after a painful experience, Scripture calls us to remain rooted in community. That does not mean staying in the same church—sometimes, wisdom calls for relocation. But we must not abandon the Church altogether or forsake fellowship (Hebrews 10:25).

Side note: Some of us may have grown up in environments where leaders were idolized and placed on pedestals. And that is not biblical. All believers, including leaders, are warned to stay sober-minded and guard against sin.

In the very church that wounded us, God can bring healing and restoration. Still, this should be approached with discernment. Not all fallen leaders are genuine believers who make mistakes —some may have always been wolves in disguise (Acts 20:29, Matthew 7:15). We are called to flee from such corruption.

Maybe the question to ask is: Am I dealing with a fallen brother or sister or a false shepherd? It’s an important difference to keep in mind.

3. Cast Your Wounded Heart on the Lord: In the darkness of betrayal, bring your pain, confusion, and anger to the Lord—for He cares deeply for you (1 Peter 5:7).

God is grieved by sin and injustice. He is near the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18). While it is natural to want to vent to those who feel the same anger, sometimes those conversations leave us just as empty.

Only God can heal and restore us. Looking elsewhere might offer momentary relief, but only Christ can truly mend our hearts.

For some, healing might involve counseling or therapy, which can be a helpful and godly step.

But Christ should always be the foundation and center of our restoration. Our hope needs to rest in Him alone.

4. Bonus: Be Diligent—Especially for the Next Generation: This is especially important for Christian parents and guardians.

Proverbs 22:6 tells us to "train up a child in the way he should go." Many of us work hard to raise our children in the church, yet we may not always know who is spiritually forming them.

Sometimes, youth ministers or Sunday school teachers are chosen for their charisma or energy, but do we truly know their character? Are they walking in sound doctrine? Are they trustworthy? Or are they wolves in sheep’s clothing?

Paul lays out clear qualifications for leaders in the church (1 Timothy 3). We should prayerfully and wisely evaluate who is shepherding our children.

Church hurt is real, and it cuts deep. But Jesus remains the same—yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8). Let your healing begin with Him.

The Church is still God's plan for His people. And by His grace, it remains a place of healing, hope, and holiness—even after the hurt.

N’ijwi ryuzuye Urukundo,

Irakoze and D. Kenta Diella

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Kenta Diella is married to Jean Ngirimana (Duff), who leads DNG (Discipling the Next Generation). They currently live in snowy Québec with their energetic son while Jean studies theology. Kenta passionately loves studying the bible with women. Her grand plans include finishing her bachelor's in Theology and attempting to curb her legendary chocolate cravings.